I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
