At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
