6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
