Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
