I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
40s are totally the cure
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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