Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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