you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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