Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
