Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
