Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
