Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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