Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
