The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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