Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
