Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
