You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
