every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
