Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
