we have pet lesbian snakes
Plan B is the new Plan A
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
