I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
