I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
