thus making me awesome and them whores
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
