Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
