I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
