I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
