so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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