i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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