I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
it glows. i had to have it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
