everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
