You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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