I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
