A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
