Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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