My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
