dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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