What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
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