Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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