Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
