call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I have aggressive nipples.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
