Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
this will be a night to untag.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
