he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
