did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
