good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
