You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
