oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
