No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
