We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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