If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
