I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
