eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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