She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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